We like to present articles from our members, with a focus on personal and global parenting and community issues. Please contact our Executive Director at the PRC office with your ideas.
Before I got engaged, I had a plan. Like many women, I spent lazy afternoons (or boring classes) fantasizing about my wedding day, names of my fictitious children, and relaxing family beach vacations. In my visions of the future, my four children would sleep through the night, never speak back to me, and sit through dinner so my husband and I could talk about our day. I would also work two days a week and my family, husband, and friends would fight over who would watch the children.
Our wedding day was close to my original script; however, my parenthood story had some elaborated editing. While I still cannot find words to describe the exhilaration and joy that parenting brings, it also brings unfamiliar anxiety, uncertainty, confusion, and change.
One of the biggest challenges we face as parents is trying to find balance. Balance between time with children, spouse, and oneself; between praising and setting limits; between protecting and fostering independence; between wants and needs; between work and family. Balance between them and me.
For the last eight years, the PRC has been a place to learn how to develop my balancing act. Feeling anxious and isolated, I began by joining the Mothers of Infants Group with my two-month old Kieran…and left with a renewed outlook and lasting friendships. Barbara and Dora, beloved PRC staffers, helped me to trust others so I could have some time for myself. After my second child Dylan was born, I began facilitating parenting groups and workshops at the PRC so I could engage my social work background. My husband, Pat, and I also had the opportunity to go out together for PRC events and gatherings. It was never easy, but I learned it was possible.
After Riley was born, I juggled those responsibilities with now three kids and two schools. And then we moved to a new home. Ok, yes, it was a little crazy…but it didn't stop there. Last year, I decided to pursue something "just for me". I applied to a Ph.D. Program in Social Work. I was accepted into Fordham University and will begin my studies part-time in September. While I'm not sure how I'll balance it all, I believe I can make it work.
Soon after my acceptance, we discovered that my father had a rare form of melanoma. Like many parents of young children, I found myself with a new challenge. Researching, supporting, and assisting my father and mother became a priority. Instead of juggling play dates and registering for classes, my focus became finding childcare so I could accompany dad to his doctor appointments.
In May, my dad suddenly went into cardiac arrest during an MRI. It left him in a coma. My husband had to cancel his work trip to care for the kids so I could stay at the hospital. As we sat in ICU at my father's bedside, I got a call from Dylan's school. He was sick and needed to come home. The balancing act had reached its peak.
My father died a few days later with his family by his side. It was devastating and beautiful at the same time. The day of the funeral, I invited 30 people to come to my home afterwards. Unexpectedly, Pat said, "Riley is sick. She threw up two times already." I looked at him blankly, took a deep breath and said, "I'm going out to get a coffee." How did we get through it? A balance between tears and laughter.
While I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to balance life this fall, I will use my father's spirit as a guide. His life exemplified true balance and acceptance of all life had to offer. As parents, we struggle with balancing every day. One thing I've learned to accept over the years at the PRC and throughout the last year is that in order to win the battle of balancing you need to ask for help. Because it is only with sharing life with others that you can do it all.